Author: nicktlc

“I look up at the sky, wondering if I’ll catch a glimpse of kindness there, but I don’t. All I see are indifferent summer clouds drifting over the Pacific. And they have nothing to say to me. Cloud are always taciturn. I probably shouldn’t be looking up at the them. What I should be looking at is inside of me. Like staring down into a deep well. Can I see kindness there? No, all I see is my own nature. My own individual, stubborn, uncooperative, often self-centered nature that still doubts itself – that, when troubles occur, tries to find something funny, or something nearly funny, about the situation. I’ve carried this character around like an old suitcase, down a long, dusty path. I’m not carrying it because I like it. The contents are too heavy, and it looks crummy, fraying in spots. I’ve carried it with me because there was nothing else I was supposed to carry. Still, I guess I have grown attached to it. As you might expect.”

“All is temporary. Even our greatest ecstasies are tinged by a bit of darkness. This moment will pass, this moment will end. I may have lost her, I may have lost this moment. But now, I have this piece of content that I can always go back to to remind me the intensity of that. I will not just like forget this, I will not forget you.” – Jason Silva

Just so beautifully said and summarized my thoughts on all kinds of subjects. Its the intensity that helps us set the standards on how we SHOULD feel. Even if my memories fade, I will never forget the intensity of my emotions and my desires at that time.

For those who have known me for many years, they will probably find this odd but ever since I returned to Hong Kong, I started developing this habit of folding my blankets as soon as I wake up. I was inspired by a random post a while ago regarding increasing productivity. I am known as a messy and more spontaneous person so I also find it really strange that I would begin to build on this habit of folding my blankets.

While folding the blankets didn’t necessarily increase my productivity throughout the day, I realized that the thirty seconds of the act has become a form or meditation for me. As I am folding blankets, matching a corner to another and etc, everything slowed down for me as I was solely concentrating on the act. The room became more silent than it ever was and all I could think about was how to fold it perfectly. Tranquility lies within. I dislike structure and routine if you will, but I find it astonishing that I would enforce this every day. Every now and then, I would forget to do so but something would strike me as odd and eventually I would find my way back.

It seems like these thirty seconds are all the peace I can get in a day, when I’m not really thinking about anything of substance. The stress about the future, who am I to become, who should I become and introspection always creep back and haunt me. It’s exasperating knowing that I will never be able to reach a conclusion.